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Biff vk{Z}'s Pet Troll
Biff is not able to write so he asked me to help him with this.
Over a year ago when i [vk{Z}] moved here to Kaos with my Master and sisters, i discovered something hiding deep in the shadows.
i've always been adventurous and so i followed this thing and tracked it back to a hovel. i found hiding from the light and from other's of it's kind a poor pathetic creature. His name i soon found out was Biff. He was a cast out of the Trolls. Biff was not
strong like the other trolls, he was not scary like the other trolls, and worst of all he was not as hairy as the others. They
made fun of him and then finally kicked him out of the troll underworld. Well Biff was very unhappy and i felt bad for him so i made him a deal. I told him i would let him come and live with me and my family if he would do his share of the chores. Well we discovered a little problem Biff can not come out into the sun, so we had a cave built for him where he lives in complete Troll comfort. i know many think i am being mean keeping him down there but it is the only place he can survive. Weeks past and i realized Biff was not much happier. i finally fingered out why, he felt useless. So it was decided he could be a tag police-trollman. Now Biff is a fair and honorable tag police-trollman...he does not convicted on first offences, and he does not keep people in jail for long. He suddenly became a happy productive creature. And thus if you ever happen to find yourself in Tag Jail and wonder how you got there you will be gratified to know that you are helping to keep a very sweet troll happy and productive.
Biff story no end here. Biff learn to write and read and sing during his stay with kitten. Biff got so good at singing he wrote a song for pretty lady. Biff share song below.
~ Biff come into the room dressed in his best suit coat…gray with long tails with a few moth balls still clinging to it…big hairy legs sticking out of the flood pants that Biff has obviously out grown…His feet are stuffed into scuffed black shoes…a worn dented top hat perched upon overly large head…with a crooked grin…broken yellowed teeth filling his nervous smile…Biff takes off his hat and bows deeply before the pretty elf Lady ~
Biff got no fancy words. Biff got no fancy gifts. Biff got nothing but this song Biff wrote for pretty Lady. Biff wrote it in true Troll style and hope pretty Lady like Biff little ditty.
~ clearing his throat once Biff put hat back on head and take out cane and begins to dance…long legs tripping over each other as Biff swing first one way then the other…Biff's cane flaying all over the place…removing his hat Biff continue his dance as Biff sings in a overly loud voice ~
Biff saw pretty Lady, pretty Lady saw me
Biff jumped down from my prehistoric tree
Pretty Lady said "OOG!" as Biff bashed her on the head
Grabbed her by the hair and dragged her off to bed
Trollman! Living in stone
Trollman! Dinosaur bone
Biff's parents were all fuzzy, with simian shapes
Biff look like a dude from Plant of the Apes
Biff is a man from a backward age
Keep my dog in bed and my woman in a cage
Trollman! Living in stone
Trollman! Dinosaur bone
You may not have heard many songs about my time
'Cause it's awfully hard to find words that rhyme
(you know, you ever try to find word to rhyme with shillelagh??? UGH!!)
Trollman! Living in stone
Trollman! Dinosaur bone
Now that Biff am finished, Biff'd like to give to you,
A short, little summary of what Trollman do
FIGHT! oh my head
EAT! oh my tummy
SEX!!!!!!!! oh my head more
SLEEP! oh my bed
Ugh........
~ with his last grunted word Biff ends his dance down on one knee before pretty Lady….hat in hand extended to one side, cane extended to the other….Biff give pretty Lady another one of his winning smiles as he pants rancid breath all over her ~
Biff all done now.
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